Dark Stormy Days Ahead

It's been one of the rougher weeks. I was going to skip writing until the fog around here lifted, but since I did intend to write about the good, bad and ugly, I should stick to it. So here goes...

It's 6:30 am on Sat. morning. I've been officially awake with Jesse since 5am after being up with Jack 5 times last night. I don't know what was wrong. He seemed to have a lot of bad dreams or something. Tom is sick now too, which means there's a lot of moaning an groaning coming from our bedroom. Maybe that's it. Jack's little world gets shaken very easily. If anything goes off course we are doomed for an awful night. I'm barely over the flu myself. Someone told me that this flu lasts a week. If only I had the luxury of being able to be sick for a week. As the mom I don't get that option. 24 hours is all I get at best. You know it's pretty bad when you are wishing you had more time to be SICK.

I'm having one of those times when I wonder just how much more I can take. I'm feeling very down about the whole parenting thing. I remember an Oprah show about 2 years ago when she had a female author on who wrote a book about post partum depression and tried to tell the truth about parenting. I remember her statement was that "it sucks 90% of the time." I remember thinking then that she was crazy and how could she feel that way. The audience had the same reaction. Well I can say now that she probably wrote her book after a week like I've had this past week. That's exactly what I feel right now. In fact maybe it's more like 95% of the time.

Not that I would ever drive my car over a bridge or anything, but I could definitely have some empathy for those mothers who chose to do that. They were depressed and didn't know how to talk about it and no one took the time to notice how depressed they were or took the time to offer any help.

I'm not depressed. I've been depressed and I know the difference. And don't worry, I won't be driving my van into any trees or anything. It's just been an incredibly hard week with all this sickness and lack of sleep. It feels like we won't come out of the fog, but I know it will lift. It always does.